Chapter 26 Scarlet Heart

 FlamingoBees 

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Scarlet Heart 

 Chapter 26: 

 

Looking at my reflection in the mirror, I gently run my fingers over my face. The skin is fair and smooth, the eyes clear and bright, the lips tinted with rouge. It's still a young face, but my heart feels old, burdened with a sense of desolation.

Today shouldn't have been my duty shift, but how should I spend this birthday? Birthday cake!!! When I was in Beijing, my mother would buy me a birthday cake every year. Later, when I moved to Shenzhen, she would instruct my brother to order a birthday cake for me online, sending her blessings and love. I lie on the table, unwilling to dwell on it any longer. It's been four years, and any hope of going back has long vanished. It seems this life will be filled with solitude for Ruoxi.

© translations belonging to  flamingobeestranslations.blogspot.com. If you read this somewhere else instead of flamingobeestranslations.blogspot.com then the translations has been posted WITHOUT permission of translator.

Suddenly, I remember, isn't a birthday the day my mother gave birth to me? A wave of unbearable sadness rushes over me. I have no desire to think about this day any longer. I get up, grab a book from the shelf at random, and lean against the couch to read.

The cover indicates it's a collection of Tang poems, but I pay it no mind. I flip to a page and start reading. But to my surprise, it's Meng Jiao's "Song of the Traveling Son" that I come across. I slam the book shut on the table, but the verses linger in my mind.

"In the loving hands of a mother, a thread is held,  

On the traveling son, garments are draped.  

As he departs, the wind blows relentlessly,  

Fearful that he may never return.  

Who says a heart is rough and coarse,  

When repaid with the radiance of spring?"

I let out a long sigh, lying down on the couch and closing my eyes.

Lost in my thoughts, I suddenly heard a knock at the door. I quickly sat up, straightened my clothes, and said, "Come in!" A palace maid, unfamiliar to me, entered with a bright smile on her face. I was taken aback for a moment, then quickly stood up. 

She curtsied and said, "Greetings, Miss Ruoxi! I am Cai Xia, a palace maid serving the imperial concubine." I nodded in response. She continued, "My Madam happened to see the unique patterns on a handkerchief held by a palace maid, and upon inquiry, learned that they were drawn by Miss. She wishes to invite Miss to help draw a few patterns." 

© translations belonging to  flamingobeestranslations.blogspot.com. If you read this somewhere else instead of flamingobeestranslations.blogspot.com then the translations has been posted WITHOUT permission of translator.

I paused for a moment, then replied, "Alright."

She led the way, and I followed behind her. Though I had seen her several times before, this was my first visit to the Noble Consort's palace since entering the palace. Despite her being the mother of the Eighth Prince, and our indirect relationship through me and my sister, her demeanor towards me remained indifferent, and I reciprocated with respectful courtesy. It was the other consorts whose attitudes towards me had changed significantly over the four years since I entered the palace. Initially suspicious and aloof, they had gradually become kinder and more amiable. After all, among those serving by Kangxi's side, besides Li Dequan, I was the one who received the most favor. Even amidst speculations that I might be implicated due to my association with the "Eighth Prince's faction" in the matter of the deposed crown prince, Kangxi remained unchanged in his treatment of me, which made everyone in the palace pay even more attention to me.

Cai Xia helped me draw back the curtains. "Please go in by yourself, Miss," she said. I nodded and entered the room. There was no one in the main hall, but I could hear voices coming from the side hall. I headed towards it, and the palace maid, Cai Qin, who was guarding behind the pearl curtain, saw me coming and quickly pulled it aside. As Cai Qin held the highest rank among female officials in the Noble Consort's palace and was highly favored by the Noble Consort, I hastened a few steps forward, smiling as I softly said, "Thank you for your trouble, Jie Jie." Cai Qin smiled back and returned the gesture without speaking, simply gesturing for me to enter.

Inside, I immediately saw the Noble Consort reclining on the couch, with my Jie Jie, dressed in palace attire, sitting beside her. My heart warmed, and I quickly bowed to pay my respects to the Noble Consort and my Jie Jie. "May the Noble Consort and Concubine Rong have good fortune," I said. The Noble Consort raised her hand slightly to signal me to rise.

The Noble Consort said lightly, "The patterns you've drawn are quite good. I've asked you to come and help draw a few more." 

I quickly smiled and replied, "It's an honor for me if Your Highness finds them pleasing." 

She instructed a palace maid to bring a cushion for me to sit on. I hesitated, but she insisted, "Are you planning to stand while drawing the patterns later?" Considering that besides my sister and the Noble Consort, there was only Cai Qin, the palace maid standing by the pearl curtain, I acquiesced and sat down. Then I smiled at my sister, and she returned the smile.

The Noble Consort glanced at us and remarked, "Roulan rarely visits the palace, so it's quite a coincidence for you sisters to meet here." As she spoke, Cai Qin had already set up the brushes, ink, and paper on the table. While standing up, the Noble Consort continued, "Ruoxi, you can draw here. Ruolan, you can tell her about the styles I like." We stood up to listen. After the Noble Consort finished speaking, she took Cai Qin with her and left for the main hall.

My Jie Jie walked over and gently touched my face, scolding, "It must be your doing again! A few days ago, His Highness sent someone to tell me to come to the palace today to pay respects to the Consort. I was wondering why, as it's neither a festival nor a special occasion. But then I realized, isn't it your birthday today? I knew I would definitely get to see you." I smiled and leaned lightly against my sister, half-playfully asking, "Does my Mei Mei really not want to see me?"

My Jie Jie smiled without saying a word. We leaned against each other quietly for a while. Then I held my sister's hand and walked to the table to sit down, with her sitting beside me. Smiling at her, I took a pen and asked, "What kind of flowers does Her Highness like?" 

My Jie Jie replied, "She likes flowers with elegant and simple colors." Nodding, I thought for a moment and started drawing pear blossoms. I didn't draw any leaves, just densely clustered blossoms.

My Jie Jie sat silently beside me as I painted, watching attentively. After I finished drawing in one breath, she spoke, "You've learned quite a lot during these years in the palace. At first, I thought it was just an excuse! I didn't expect you to paint so well! It makes me want to have one too." 

© translations belonging to  flamingobeestranslations.blogspot.com. If you read this somewhere else instead of flamingobeestranslations.blogspot.com then the translations has been posted WITHOUT permission of translator.

I put down the brush and laughed, "How many do you want? I'll have them brought to you after I finish." As I thought about it, I had been practicing drawing since I was young. Although not excellent, I was more than proficient in drawing patterns and such. There weren't many entertainment options in the palace, so I had to hone my skills in these matters, and I gradually became more skilled! My sister smiled but didn't reply.

Both of us sat quietly, and I felt a sense of contentment, as if I had returned to the days when I first arrived at the Eighth Prince's mansion. I didn't need to think too much about anything, just how to pass the boring time. The most important thing every day was just how to have fun. With a smile on my lips, I gently leaned my head on my sister's shoulder. Memories of singing opera, fighting, arguing with the tenth prince, being teased by the fourteenth, and playing shuttlecock with the maids flashed through my mind, as if it were yesterday, yet it had been four years. It turned out that the happiest days of my life were spent in the Eighth Prince's mansion!

After a while, my sister gently said, "You're already eighteen." I casually responded with an "Mm." She pushed my head straight and looked at me seriously. I also looked at her quietly. She asked earnestly, "You've been by Imperial Father's side for four years now. Do you have any plans for yourself? Is there anyone you truly like?"

My Jie Jie is just like my mother! In the past few years, she was afraid I would fall in love, and later she worried why I still didn't have a boyfriend. I felt both touched and uncomfortable in my heart, but I didn't show it on my face, just smiling as I asked, "Didn't you tell me not to be infatuated a few years ago?" 

My Jie Jie gave me a playful glare and said, "A few years ago, you were going into the palace. Who knew if His Majesty would choose you, or if you would be bestowed upon some noble son. It would be in vain to have feelings. Why suffer for nothing?" After a pause, she continued, "But now you're already grown up, and you're someone valued by His Majesty. You can speak up for yourself in front of him. You should plan for yourself. You can't just be a palace maid for the rest of your life, can you?" I smiled slightly and remained silent.

My sister picked up my hand and looked at the bracelet on my wrist, saying, "You're still wearing it!" My heart tightened, and I quickly pulled my hand back. My sister didn't pay it any mind and thought quietly for a moment before saying, "If you really like the Thirteenth Prince, let him go to His Majesty and ask for you." She paused and then continued, "But I see that the Tenth Prince also has you in mind. You could consider him too. However, as for the Tenth Consort..." She paused for a moment, then chuckled and said, "That's not a problem either. Can she take advantage of your temper?" I listened silently, thinking about how much love it would take to support a lifetime of being manipulated and schemed against by one woman for the sake of a man.

After a while, Jie Jie said, "I think the Fourteenth Prince is also good to you." I couldn't help but laugh and ask, "So many? Is there anyone else?" It was meant as a joke, but my sister looked at me seriously and said, "His Highness is also very good to you." 

My smile froze on my face, and I turned to the side, forcing a smile as I said, "If you keep saying that, it seems like every prince treats me well. I don't know when I became such a desirable commodity." Jie Jie smiled faintly. I looked ahead and said softly, "If I were to marry someone, he would have to treat me wholeheartedly. Jie, you understand!" My Jie Jie fell silent.

I fell silent for a moment, then turned back to Jie Jie. While thinking that Jie Jie really hadn't harbored any thoughts about the Eighth Prince, I softly asked her, "Don't just talk about me, Jie Jie. Have you been well these years? Although we've met, I've never had the chance to ask you myself." 

Jie Jie listened, her gaze lowered as she stared at the pear blossoms I had painted on the table, and she replied quietly, "Same as always." 

Hearing this, I couldn't help but blurt out, "Why can't we forget?" 

© translations belonging to  flamingobeestranslations.blogspot.com. If you read this somewhere else instead of flamingobeestranslations.blogspot.com then the translations has been posted WITHOUT permission of translator.

Jie Jie stiffened for a moment, then after a long pause, she said softly, "Wanting to forget but unable to." 

I took a deep breath and said, "Why not cherish the person in front of you?" 

Jie Jie suddenly looked up at me, and we locked eyes for a moment. She smiled sadly, turned her head away, and said, "Although I don't hate him, I can't forgive him either! If it weren't for him sending people to inquire, then... how could... they have died?" Jie Jie's voice choked with emotion, trembling, and she didn't continue. 

I sighed heavily, feeling powerless as I weakly argued, "But he didn't mean to." Jie Jie refused to say anything further.

Feeling sorrowful, I felt like we were all tangled up like a mess of threads, unable to sort things out. We all had our obsessions, preferring to hold onto them alone rather than let go, even if it meant a lifetime of loneliness. After gazing at Jie Jie for a while longer, I couldn't help but pick up my pen again and quietly draw a lush oleander in full bloom. After finishing the drawing, I felt some of the sadness in my heart had been released.

As soon as the ink dried, Cai Qin happened to enter, smiling as she asked, "Has the young lady finished drawing?" I smiled and said yes, handing the pattern to Cai Qin, then Jie Jie and I walked into the main hall together.

The Noble Consort took the pattern and said as she looked at it, "This is pear blossom, but it's rare to see it embroidered on silk." 

I quickly smiled and replied, "It's from Qiu Chuji's 'Wusunian: Lingxu Palace Pear Blossom Poem'." Noble Consort smiled faintly and said, "'Graceful and noble in appearance, with an air of purity.' 'Great spirit and clear heroism, outstanding immortal qualities.' I dare not be compared to that." Then, she looked at the next one and said as she examined it, "What kind of flower is this? I have never seen it before."

I suddenly realized, feeling a sense of alarm. At that moment, I was so focused on the symbolism of the oleander being "loneliness" that I impulsively drew it, forgetting that this flower grows in the wilds of Scotland, and didn't consider whether such a flower existed in China. After a moment of hesitation, I slowly replied, "This is a type of rhododendron," recalling that the oleander belongs to the rhododendron family, so it wasn't entirely untrue. "It usually grows on cliffs and is rarely seen. This servant also happened to see it once on the way from the northwest." 

The Noble Consort nodded, looking at the pattern and saying, "It does have a charm of being solitary and independent." After finishing, she smiled at me and said, "You really have a clever and intricate mind!"

Seeing that my purpose had been achieved, I bid farewell and excused myself. Jie Jie smiled at me, and I returned the smile before turning around and leaving.

Silently, whether intentionally or unintentionally, I found myself standing outside the Taihe Hall, hidden in the corner against the wall, gazing at the door of the hall from afar. I didn't know how long I stood there. As the morning court session ended, officials of all ranks began to emerge. Among them, I saw a familiar figure clad in official robes slowly walking out. His figure seemed even more slender and frail, yet his demeanor remained elegant and refined as always. Though he was far away, I felt like I could sense the faint smile on his face and the lack of any smile in his eyes.

My mind went blank, and I could only watch as he descended the steps and crossed the plaza in front of the hall. Though surrounded by others, he seemed so lonely and desolate. The midday sun shone upon him, yet it couldn't penetrate his heart. Just like the oleander blooming on the Scottish wilderness, dazzling on the surface but unable to conceal its lonely soul.

Suddenly, he stopped in his tracks and turned his head, as if looking in the direction where I was hiding. Startled, I quickly withdrew my head, pressing my back tightly against the wall, feeling my heart pounding erratically. After a moment, unable to resist, I cautiously peeked out again, but all I could see was his retreating figure. As he gradually moved further away, disappearing beyond the gate, I couldn't help but quicken my pace along the side corridor of white marble, drawing curious glances from the standing eunuchs and guards, who recognized me but still glanced at me a bit more.

Remembering that according to Qing dynasty regulations, civil and military officials entered and exited through the left gate of the Wumen Gate, while princes and nobles entered and exited through the right gate, I hurried to a higher vantage point and hid behind a column to observe. Indeed, only the princes and nobles were seen on the right side, and among them, I could still see his figure, chatting and walking slowly with those around him.

Gradually, I reached the noon gate. Just before leaving, he suddenly stopped in his tracks, turned back, and looked up towards the direction where I was hiding. I stood close to the pillar, with my head pressed against it, not moving a muscle. After a while, when I cautiously peeked out again, there was no one below, only the afternoon sunlight shining on the ground, reflecting back in a blinding glare that stung my eyes. I gazed down, leaning against the pillar, gradually sliding down until I was sitting on the ground.

I sighed, pondering how my sister held onto her convictions without letting go, and I wondered if I was the same. Would things be better if I didn't cling so tightly to the ultimate outcome? Would it be better if I were less stubborn, less demanding, able to accept sharing a husband with other women? Would it be better if I were more innocent, simply believing that he loved me?

© translations belonging to  flamingobeestranslations.blogspot.com. If you read this somewhere else instead of flamingobeestranslations.blogspot.com then the translations has been posted WITHOUT permission of translator.

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